That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
