The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nutella sex= disaster
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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