by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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