Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
