i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we made out on top of his cat.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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