I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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