dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
