its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
