walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
