yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
