david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
