At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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