and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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