If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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