I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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