just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
