dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
