hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
