I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
