I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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