Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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