How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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