I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
