I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
