So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
