Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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