Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
