You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
