The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
