I didn't shave. On purpose
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
