Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
