I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
