My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
