i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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