I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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