It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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