So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
