i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
