help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
