He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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