Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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