he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
