You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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