i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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