she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
