I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
