ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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