The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
