If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
