foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize