We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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