He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
