i already hear my dad disowning me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
