She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
