what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize