Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
