In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
