Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
