walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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