found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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