she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
