I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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