Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
