did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
