Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
why do cheetos always look like penises
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
