who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize