cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
