ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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