Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
